Zoloft
by Trans
Summary: KuramaxHiei when Hiei finds out that Kurama has a depression problem will he be able to help before its to late? COMPLETE!
1. Rainy night in Ningenkai

disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.  
  
Chapter 1 Rainy night in Ningekai  
  
The cold rain pounded the ground, rooftops, and street, causing a whimsical song that assaulted my senses. The large maple leaves of the tree in which I sat filtered most of the rain away from my small frame, leaving my black uniform in a slightly dampened state. It was fairly uncomfortable, but I had been wet before. Besides all my attention was focused ahead of me through this second story window on this nice suburban home. This was my favorite window; the window that belonged to Kurama. With my chi masked I could watch him unnoticed.  
  
I could see him inside his room. He was sitting at a large oak desk with his back turned to me. He already had a set of dark blue pajamas on, and his hair hung loosely across his back. Kurama shifted in his chair and tucked a few loose strands of red hair behind his ear. Now I could see that he was reading a book. A medium sized paper back with a vermilion cover. I never got why he liked books so much. He loved reading them, especially ones on botany.  
  
A clap of thunder sounded in the sky above me, along with a gust of wind. The cold air penetrated my wet cloths causing me to shiver. I reached out with my hands and opened the window in front of me. Kurama always left it unlocked when it rained. He was so kind to me, even when I showed very little of how much I cared about him. I gracefully swung my legs over the cold metal frame and landed with a soft thump on his carpeted floor.  
  
I knew that he was aware of my presence even if he made no show of it. I crossed the room and sat down on his bed. My fingers carelessly traced the stitched patterns on his green comforter hoping he would speak soon. A peaceful silence hung through the air. I was used to silence since I rarely chose to be in anyone's company. It was one of those times that it's so quiet that you can hear someone's breathing, the tick of a clock, and the tuning of a page in a book like it's right by your ear. Then the few seconds in-between breaths where it's so quiet that only a ringing fills the air. A small high-pitched noise that you can only hear when there are no other noises to be had. I wonder if it's always there, and we just don't notice it.  
  
A thud interrupted my thoughts bringing me back to reality. The kitsune set his book on his desk and shifted some of his homework on top of it so I couldn't read the title. Like I cared about ningen literature anyway. He swiveled his desk chair around and faced me with a broad smile.  
  
"Hello Hiei how are you doing?" He asked.  
  
"Hn. fine I guess." His kind soft voice always made anything I said sound horribly uncivilized. His always came out in the same gentle tone. He never seemed angry or sad. I wondered how he could so at ease all the time.  
  
"Well it is rather late, and I do have school tomorrow so would you mind if I turned in early?"  
  
Kurama rose from his chair and gathered some spare pillows and blankets form his closet. I felt slightly disappointed that we wouldn't have any time to talk. Not that I talked much, I mostly just listened to his voice. It was comforting somehow.  
  
He arranged the extra beddings into a make shift bed on the floor. And then retrieved a set of dry cloths from his dresser.  
  
"Here you can change into these until yours dry. Oh, and you can take the bed. I'll gladly accept the floor."  
  
"This is your home Baka." I commented as I began to change right in front of him. I don't exactly have the same moral codes as everyone else, and the kitsune seemed unperturbed by it.  
  
"I am perfectly aware of that, but you are a guest." He answered with small hint of amusement in his voice.  
  
"You think it's so funny?" I yelled at him gruffly, realizing the humorous way his cloths swam around me.  
  
"Good night Hiei," Kurama said before tuning off the lights.  
  
I had little choice but to slide into his bed, but it was a very snug place to sleep. He always made me take the bed, and although I claimed that ningens relied on to much on comfort, and that all these pillows, and blankets were TOO soft, I rather enjoyed the kitsunes bed. Every time I shifted the blankets around me they would release the soft sent of roses into the air, and now I found myself purposefully drinking in the sent. It smelled so lovely, and I buried my face into his pillow to get more. I would never be one to give a compliment, but I had never met someone as lovely smelling as my fox. My fox. If only.  
  
It sent an odd chill up my spine every time I saw Kurama sleeping. The moon's light, and the darkness's shadows playing across his face gave him an ethereal glow, that made him appear to be some kind of angel, or the wisest of men. He always had a content smile on his countenance like he was off in some kind of dream land utopia. He was so beautiful when he slept.  
  
Sighing at how warm his bed was I unintentionally drifted asleep my eyes still riveted on Kurama's sleeping body.  
  
Ahh...I love Hiei! He is super cool! Any way this is the first chapter of my story Zoloft. You'll understand why I named it that later. There is about seven more chapters that are coming. I have most of the story written already. 


	2. Nursing a fire demon

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, even the really hot ones. Chapter 2 nursing a fire demon  
  
I limped to the base of a large tree, and began to climb its knobby branches despite my wounded body. Small smears of blood stained the bark as I finally made it to my destination.  
  
I hadn't seen the kitsune in more that two weeks, and was hoping that he didn't have school today. I never really kept track of the days of the week, and I didn't want to have to wait for treatment. I peered through the clear glass, and to my great irritation saw no one. I was about to turn around and make my way to Genkai's temple where Yukina could heal me when I heard my name being called.  
  
Kurama stood by his bedroom door, having just gotten home, wearing his school uniform, and shouldering his book bag. He had a worried expression, and wasted no time in racing to the window.  
  
Soon the window was open, and he was helping me through. He supported me to the bed where he sat me down, and began to examine my wounds. Without a word or any questions, which I was grateful for, he left the room. Then he returned with a first aid kit, some plants, and a wet towel.  
  
I took off my shirt so he could treat and dress the cuts there and then rolled my pants up so he could bandage my leg. There a large and deep cut went from my ankle to just below the knee. It was only serious for about half the length, but still stung like hell.  
  
He pasted some kind of green mush on it, and began rapping my leg with gauze. I tried to keep any show of pain out of my expression, but he must have noticed how flinched as the gauze pressed the mush deeper into my gash, because he looked up and smiled apologetically.  
  
"I'm sorry if that hurts, but it will make it heal faster, and more efficiently," his voice almost sounded like that of doting mother.  
  
"Hn. Who said it hurt?" I grunted mad that he knew that the pain was affecting me just like anyone else.  
  
His smile only broadened.  
  
"All right Hiei. In any case I'm finished, but I would be happy if you spend the night so your cuts have a head start at healing," Kurama said gathering up the first aid kit, and picking up the towel he had used to clean away the blood.  
  
"Fine."  
  
After he returned from putting away all the supplies he sat down on the bed besides me.  
  
"Hiei would like some ice cream; Mother just bought some?"  
  
"Sweet snow?" I asked fairly sure that was what he meant.  
  
"Yes sweat snow." He said barely concealing laughter.  
  
Of course he knew just how much I adored sweet snow! Why did he even need to ask? Was he trying to embarrass me?  
  
"Sure," I answered nonchalantly hoping he didn't notice the slight excitement in my voice. I just loved sweet snow!  
  
"Okay I go get some," Kurama said before leaving the room.  
  
After about five minutes he returned with two large bowls filled with vanilla ice cream. It didn't take me long to devour my bowl, so Kurama gave me seconds.  
  
I knew he found my unending appetite for sweet snow hilarious, but I didn't care.  
  
Finally we finished, and Kurama left to put away the bowls in the sink. I was left alone to survey his room. It was as clean as ever, and still to my delight smelled like roses. How does he do that? There were no papers on his desk this time, and I wondered if maybe today was Friday. Kurama always said that was the last day of the week he went to school. So perhaps we wouldn't have to go to bed so early tonight. Before my eyes left the desk a hint of red caught my eye. It was a book. It looked familiar. I thought a second then realized that was the book he had been reading last times I came. It didn't seem like that long of a book. I wonder why he is still reading it. He could read something that size in a day.  
  
On that curious note I got off the bed and walked over to his desk. I picked up the book and glanced at the cover. I never really bothered reading much, and had trouble reading the title, at first, then my mind began to work, and I made out the words with ease.  
  
Dealing with Depression  
  
What!? What did that mean..? No way Kurama could be depressed. He always seemed so happy, and he never let his emotions get the better of him. Yet still he had this book, and for quit a while...  
  
Then I began to wonder not if he was depressed, but why I hadn't noticed. I was supposed to be his friend, even if I never said I was, and I hadn't had the slightest clue. Of course there was the fact that he never told me. Was he trying to hide it? There were many things that the fox kept hidden, I guessed this was one of them.  
  
About half way through the book there was a dog-eared page. I hesitantly opened it to the page. I was almost afraid now. I was looking into Kurama's privacy. I always hated people that put their noses where they didn't belong, and this felt somehow wrong, but a part of me still needed to know.  
  
Chapter 9 suicidal thoughts  
  
The breath caught in my throat. Suicide? I couldn't imagine Kurama ever hurting himself. He was smarter than that right? But if he didn't have this problem then why this page specifically marked!? I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. What should I do? Should I talk to him about it? Should I forget about all this, and trust him to work it out on his own?  
  
I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice that Kurama had come back, until I felt a hand resting on my shoulder.  
  
I guiltily snapped the book closed with great haste and put it back on the desk.  
  
"Hiei?" The voice was low and hollow, sounding not at all like Kurama's usual tone.  
  
I slowly turned around carefully avoiding his eyes.  
  
His hand slid off my shoulder back to his side, and we just stood there in silence. I was almost sure he was holding his breath, that ringing began to fill the air.  
  
I looked up, and peered upon Kurama's sorrowful features. I could almost see his thoughts, trying to find a way to explain this. An excuse or something, anything but the truth, but I could tell from the sad smile on his face that all my worries were true. Oh, Kurama...I'm so sorry.  
  
His eyes were riveted on the floor even as he spoke.  
  
"Hiei...don't worry about me...its just a book...and..."He trailed off  
  
"That's a lie. Why didn't you ever tell me? Or anyone for that matter?" I asked.  
  
"I...I..." He couldn't seem to get the words out. I wondered what he was trying to say, and then I noticed a single tear glistening on his cheek. It's that bad?  
  
"Kurama?" I said in an oddly soft voice. Even I was surprised by the amount of concern it held.  
  
"Oh Hiei I don't know what to do!" Then he began sobbing, and I had to sit him down on the bed. I felt bad witnessing my bested friend in such a weakened state.  
  
I laid my hand gently on his back trying to comfort him somehow. I wasn't exactly the best person for this kind of job.  
  
"Kurama what is going on?"  
  
"I-its just so...so hard trying to ignore....him..."  
  
"What?" I asked not expecting what he had just said.  
  
He didn't answer. More tears leaked down his cheeks. The whole picture was so sad.  
  
"I've done so many... horrible things! I-I try to make up for them...but...but...the thoughts are still there. He is still there."  
  
Suddenly I realized whom he was talking about.  
  
"Youko?"  
  
All he could do is nod. So that was it? It must be so hard to have a voice in your head constantly tormenting you. Constantly reminding you of all the things you've done, constantly pushing you to do more. All of a suddenly it hit me hard how strong he must be to live with that, and even more how strong he must be to hide it from everyone.  
  
This man sitting next to me was far different than I thought. I'm his friend I should be here to help him through this. He needs someone. Or he might...I need him.  
  
"Kurama the page marked in the book...have you ever...have you ever tried to kill yourself?"  
  
"Hiei I... I'm sorry..." Kurama said the words barely audible.  
  
Then he rolled up his left sleeve to above the elbow. I grabbed his arm, and turned it over so I could see the underside. small cuts marked his pale flesh, but none to serious. Then just below the elbow was a large scar. Here it was apparent he had caught himself on more than one time, and much deeper. Almost life threateningly deep...  
  
I ran my fingers over his skin causing him to flinch. I sighed.  
  
"Kurama... let me help you."  
  
He turned to look at me. His green eyes glistening like pools, tears still sliding down his face. What a pretty face.  
  
"H-hiei you don't have to...I've dealed with this for a long time...I can survive it on my own."  
  
"Like hell you have! You are my friend. I'm not letting you go through this alone any longer."  
  
He was looking at me surprise written all over his teary face. I wish he wouldn't look at me like that. I know I've never called him my friend before, but its not like I just declared that I love him, and that I wanted to get married and have children. Saying that we were friends, and showing that I actually cared, although highly out of character, wasn't that odd was it? Just because I put up a cold facade, doesn't mean I don't have any emotions.  
  
"Thank you Hiei...You really are a friend."  
  
I was about to say something when all of a sudden he flung his arms around me, and began crying on my shoulder. I sat there stiff with shock. I brought my arms up to push him away. I didn't care how unusually nice I was acting today, but this was a bit too much. Still I couldn't help but enjoy the feel of his warmth against me. I put my hands on his arms, but at my touch his grip tightened, and I realized that maybe he was to fragile right now to be my normal self, so I relaxed a little, and even put an arm around him.  
  
The next hour or so he just cried in my arms. I don't think he even noticed how weird this was for me of all people to even be this close to someone or be this nice. He just cried, his face on my shoulder, soaking my cloak in salty tears. After the initial shock of him being this close I slowly began to enjoy his heat, and the breath against my neck. His body was shaking slightly from all the pent up emotions that he seemed to have used all his energy to hide away.  
  
From the first moment I had met the kitsune I was taken by his beauty, and the intelligence that went with it. It was a lethal combination, and he was also highly skilled. I found myself falling for him despite my denial. I was the ruthless Hiei, and I needed no one. The forbidden child loved by no one, and never to love an other, but I was wrong. I finally realized that the feeling wouldn't go away, and in truth by then I didn't want it to. The feeling I had for Kurama was warm, and when times got really bad it was there to keep me going. Now I denied nothing that my heart felt. Still I kept my feelings to myself. Now with him so close, and so weak, I had to show great self-control not to take advantage of him.  
  
Finally I noticed that his harsh breathing had turned light, and that he had exhausted himself to the point where he had fallen asleep.  
  
At first I just let him sleep, resting against shoulder, but then I reminded myself how awkward it would be if he woke up. I was cradling him in a bit more than a friendly way, so with great reluctance I gently pried him off me.  
  
I laid him the correct way on his bed, and removed his shoes. I hoped he wouldn't mind that I left him in his uniform. I definitely was not changing him! I then pulled the blankets up around his shoulders so he could stay warm. His face was already dry, but his eyes were a little puffy, and red. I leaned down unable to resist, and brushed my lips lightly across his cheek. He made a small noise, but continued to sleep.  
  
Deciding that I wanted to be there when he woke up, and the fact that originally I was going to stay anyway, I went and found the spare blankets from his closet, and started making a bed on the floor. I smiled inwardly, this time he wouldn't be able to convince me to take the bed.  
  
Wow that was on of my longer chapter! Was that depressing? Actually I thought is was more funny than sad...but I do have a weird sense of humor. I don't think this was as depressing as some stories. Oh yeah don't get mad at me because I made Kurama depressed in this story, and all suicidal. It was just one view on him that I have so...I decided to write a story about it. 


	3. errands

Disclaimer: I still don't own any of these characters! Now that is a depressing reality.  
  
Oh wait before I forget (again) I would like to thank all my reviewers! I'm so excited that I actually got some! Thank everyone so much for being the caring peeps you are!  
  
Kuramagal: Actually your review was the first one I ever read! thankx! I know this is a little sad. My sister has depression, and its so hard to comfort her when she is sad.  
  
Kurama-sweethart: Well I could just thank you over the phone, but then it wouldn't be in type! Thankx Moe for reviewing even though you Computer, Febee (Is that how you spell it) was being evil. You have been the most supportive person. Yelling at me when I say I write like crap, or when I was afraid to put up my stories. Well now I have. Its super fun! When I visit you we can write a fan fiction together, and post it.  
  
Figured shadow: I feel so bad for Hiei too! He is so adorable, and he has to deal with that sexy fox's depression. Love can make people stand together, even in bad times.  
  
Suzaku no miko: So kind! I love praise! I try really hard to describe the scene I have in my head. Its nice to know I succeeded.  
  
The sylver Kitsune: I made you cry! really? wow I feel so touched. I guess I got my message accross as my dad would say. Thank you for such a long review. It made me so happy. If you want to know I cried when I was writing some of this story too. I can't stand to see Kurama so sad or hurt...  
  
Shinagome-onna: Yeah! Thank you for such a nice review. Such support from you kind people.  
  
Genkidoku no Hitorkiri: OMG your review made me laugh so hard! No, Zoloft is not a sleeping pill. It's an antidepressent. When my sister was depressed she took Zoloft.  
  
Vashies-girl: Thankx. I am adding a new chappie right now!  
  
Robby Moon: Wow the gold? I don't know if I'm that good, but thank you anyway.  
  
M-Python-girl: You reviewed both my stories!!! I'm so happy. Yes I will add this new chapter, and maybe a second one.  
  
Since I'm not adding a second chapter to my very short story Good Bye I'll thank the reviewers to that story here!  
  
Hiei's sdabest: Nopies, you are totally correct. It was in Yusuke's point of view. If it was Hiei he probably wouldn't cry, and if he did they would crystallize.  
  
Yami-Aj Yu-Yu-Inucapter: Sorry no. Although I am also a huge HxK fan that story was in Yusuke's point of view. The story was still sad ne?  
  
Figured Shadow: Hey I'm a fan of yours. I have a story you wrote saved on my computer! Any way It was in Yusuke's point of view. I didn't even think of it being in Boton's... Just to let you guys know I'm in the middle of writing a KxB story right now. When I'm done I'll start posting chapters.  
  
M-Python-girl: Don't hate me, but I don't think I'll update my story Good bye. I'm working on too many other ones.  
  
Chapter 3 errands  
  
My mind felt slow, and my thoughts as thick as syrup. My brain began to clear, and then an eerie feeling crept over me. Like I was being watched or something. I could almost feel a hole burning on my face from the stare.  
  
Upon opening my eyes I saw Kurama's staring strait at me. As quickly as he could he glanced away.  
  
"Good morning," He muttered.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"Um...well Hiei I need to get ready. I promised my mother I would run a few errands today," Kurama said in an edgy voice.  
  
Was he nervous about yesterday? We didn't really finish talking. For all he knew I could go and tell all the others. Hn. I wouldn't do that to him, but he did need help.  
  
Kurama made the bed then pulled some clean cloths out of his closet, and headed to the bathroom for a shower.  
  
Then a thought struck me maybe he was embarrassed. He had a nervous break down in front of me of all people. He had worked so hard to contain all his emotions, and pretend like he was in complete control. Now I knew the truth, and there was no turning back. He was probably scared. I know how I usually act towards people. I make them feel bad about their feelings, and make smug remarks. Of course I wouldn't do that to him, and especially since this was serious. He didn't know that though. I was almost nice last night, and I hoped that that might ease his fears. Perhaps the best thing would be to set some ground rules, and act as nice as possible. I WOULD help him through this.  
  
I got up, and began folding up the blanket I slept with and then carried them back to the closet. I set them inside on a small shelf, and shut the door with a snap. I started towards the bed when the door from the bathroom opened revealing Kurama brushing his hair.  
  
"Are you leaving?" He asked his tone back to its normality, and carefully devoid of emotion.  
  
"No baka, I am going to run errands with you," I grunted.  
  
Kurama's eyes widened slightly. "You don't have to baby-sit me. I can go grocery shopping on my own."  
  
"I have nothing better to do," I said in a determined voice.  
  
"Fine, meet me down by the street I'll be out in a minute."  
  
Kurama left out his door leaving me alone. Turning around, I opened the window welcoming the morning air that washed over my face. With a grace only those from Makai could possess I jump through onto a tree branch. I clicked the window shut, and made my way down to the ground.  
  
I walked down to the side of the road just like I was told. I didn't have to wait very long, before the kitsune arrived carrying a small piece of paper. We started walking in silence our strides in sync.  
  
Finally Kurama cleared his throat to catch my attention. "Hiei about last night..."  
  
"I won't tell the others Kurama, but I do want to keep my promise. I meant what I said." I looked up at him. He smiled weakly back.  
  
After about ten minutes of walking we arrived at a small grocery store. We entered through an automatic door, which I found interesting since they would open without you even touching them. I then followed Kurama to the back of the store. He seemed to be looking for certain items that were on his little piece of paper.  
  
First he grabbed a carton of something that came for Smith Brothers farm, then a bunch of long yellow fruits that he called bananas although they reminded me of something else entirely... ( authors note: ok now here my knowledge is not very good. what do you guys think? would Hiei know a lot about ningen food? I mean they eat different food in Maikai right?) Next we headed towards the bakery isle. Kurama promptly grabbed two loaves of white bread.  
  
"Hiei do you want anything?" Kurama asked as we headed towards the cash register. He had a small basket in one hand full of various items.  
  
"No."  
  
We went and stood in line for register four, and waited for the lady in front of us to finish. She was an elderly woman, and apparently had a large appetite. Her grocery cart was full to the top, and she struggled to lift some of the heavier purchases.  
  
"Excuse me mam, but would like some assistance?" Kurama asked with a friendly smile.  
  
"Oh thank you young man!" She said in a croaky voice.  
  
Setting down his basket Kurama began pulling here objects out of the cart and onto the conveyer belt. In about one-fifth the time it would have taken that old hag to empty her cart Kurama had done it for her.  
  
"Thank you so much! The world needs more kind youths like you. Such a gentlemen!"  
  
The cashier rang up her bill, which was quiet extensive, and gave her the total. With shaky hands the old women opened her purse, and began fumbling with the bills. She was taking an excruciatingly long time. My patience was wearing thin.  
  
She handed some bills to the cashier, and neglected to notice she had dropped one on the floor. I glanced over at Kurama. I was surprised to see him hesitate, before picking up the bill. I barely heard him mutter "No." under his breath.  
  
"Um mam," He called before she started away at a slow pace. "I believe you dropped this."  
  
"Why I must have on accident. Thank you so much! If you hadn't of found that I would come short when it came time to pay my rent. Such a kind you man. God bless you!"  
  
I held back a snort. She might not know, but I realized just how close the kitsune had come to just pocketing the money. I bet Youko would have enjoyed that.  
  
Kurama smiled at her, and started unloading his groceries at the register.  
  
After we began walking home I decided to question him.  
  
"Did you want to keep that money?"  
  
He looked at me with a look on confusion to carefully conceal a hint of guilt.  
  
"I'm not sure I know what you mean Hiei?"  
  
"Don't think I didn't notice your hesitation in returning the money. Not at all like you. Tell me what did Youko say to make you hesitate?"  
  
Kurama turned his eyes to the asphalt and continued walking as he spoke, although it was in a slightly saddened tone.  
  
"He wanted the money...and to tell you the truth so did part of myself, although it would hardly be ethical. It was obvious she needed it. What use would I have for it? Still that does not damper the temptation, but that does not matter. There is temptation everywhere I go. They make everything so easy to steal in Ningakai. It wouldn't be much of a challenge if I decided too. It's not like that was the first time I have ignored Youko's urges."  
  
"Have you ever given in?" I accidentally let slip out.  
  
"Before...when I was younger. I hardly knew better. Even if I did, it was much too hard to resist. I've grown stronger since then." Kurama finally turned to look at me. "Hiei would you mind if we didn't talk about this anymore? I really don't wish to think about it."  
  
"Hn."  
  
Encouraged by the sudden silence I began to think. I wondered what else Youko told him. Did they have conversations in his head? That just sounded strange. Youko was known as a ruthless Thief that had killed many who got in the way of his lust for treasure with no remorse. He was also known for his reputation with women. Kurama is known as a model citizen. A strait A student, and loving son. He ignores women's advances, and is no longer a petty thief. How can they still be the same man?  
  
"Kurama what else do you two talk about?"  
  
He laughed a little at my comment, but it was a strained, short-lived humor. "We don't exactly have conversations... Does it matter what we talk about Hiei?"  
  
I felt taken aback by his sudden need for privacy. It made me irritated. Here I was trying to help him, and he wasn't going to tell me. Maybe I was also just a bit curious. What went on in that head of his?  
  
"I would like to know so I can help you."  
  
"Fine. I guess it is rude for me to be secretive when you are being so uncharacteristically curious. He likes to discuss what ever is on my mind. Random thoughts and such. He loves to encourage rebellious desires, and put corrupt notions in my head. It's hard not to fall under his influence especially when it is something I want. I must admit it is hard to ignore his needs let alone my own."  
  
He said all this with an even voice that held something else that I couldn't name. His eyes were filled with gold sparks, that made my skin ice over. The implications of what he had just said sent a chill up my spine. Suddenly I realized how dangerous he was right now, emotionally unstable, and a persuasive youkai as his consciousness. What did he mean by corrupt notions, and rebellious desires? He had said he wanted some of them too. The whole gist of what he had just said creeped me out.  
  
Kurama stopped walking, and I was worried that he would say more. I didn't want to hear anymore. I cared about Kurama, and I didn't want any reasons to fear him. I didn't even realize we were in front of his house.  
  
"We are here Hiei. I have to put these away, and if you still wish to be in my company after what I just said then you could wait in my room," Kurama said in his normal voice much to my relief before leaving.  
  
Actually I feel a little bad making Youko bad in this story. I like it better when He is more humorous, and making funny jokes. Like how Youko is, in Captive by Volpone. Still him being bad best suited this story....so well...that's how it is! 


	4. Holding back

Disclaimer: I will never own the characters!!!! Chapter 4 Holding back  
  
So now I sat on his bed waiting. Wondering if I really wanted to be here. After what he had said I was torn between wanting to know more and wanting to flee. If I left Kurama would forever be the same as before, but if I stayed, and I heard more of the truth...It would never be the same.  
  
The door to his room opened to reveal Kurama, and a happy smile. I still didn't know if I wanted to be here.  
  
"I'm glad you decided to stay Hiei," Kurama said.  
  
"I'm still not sure...but I'm not going to leave you alone."  
  
"Why do you care so much?" His voice was light and questioning.  
  
"What do you mean?" I wasn't going to admit anything if I didn't have to.  
  
"Why are you staying here with me?"  
  
"I don't want you to do anything. At least if I'm here I can stop you."  
  
"You don't want me to kill myself?" He asked. His forwardness surprised me.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why? Would you care if I died?"  
  
"Yes...You are a competent fighting partner," I replied. I was still wondering where he was going with this. Why didn't he think I would care if he died? The way he talked about it without any emotion made me angry. Didn't he know how much it would effect me if he died?  
  
"Is that the only reason? Just because I'm a skilled fighter? Isn't much of a reason to live is it..?" His voice trailed off with a chuckle.  
  
I glared at him. "How can you say that kitsune?"  
  
"What do you mean? To me my life seems useless. I should have died before. I don't really deserve this life."  
  
"You have saved many in this lifetime. It is not time wasted!" I yelled angry.  
  
"Hiei I grow so tired trying to live with the person I am every day. It would be so easy to give in, but if I were to die then at least I would not hurt anyone."  
  
Kurama sat down on the bed besides me his expression turning sad.  
  
"Don't be so selfish. The team needs you."  
  
"Even you?"  
  
I stared at him in confusion. Why was he asking me this? What did he want me to say?  
  
"I suppose..."  
  
Kurama leaned a little closer to me so I could hear what he was saying, because his voice was so low.  
  
"You know Youko always has something to say about everything. He pushes me act on what I want..."  
  
"Kurama?"  
  
Kurama was leaning closer now, a suggestive smirk on his face, but now I could also see that he was crying.  
  
"You don't know how hard it is to be this close to you right now..."  
  
"Kurama I don't understand-"  
  
My voice was cut short as his hands slid around my neck forcing my lips against his. They were hot, and full of emotion. I felt his hands slide down from my neck to the front of my shirt. His hands pushed against my chest forcing the kiss to end. He looked at me hungrily. I stared back dumbfounded.  
  
"I always tell myself the thoughts are wrong, but Youko won't let me forget them. He won't let me forget my needs. You are only my friend, but I can't help but want you. It's been to long."  
  
Kurama leaned forward. I thought he was going to kiss me again, and I still couldn't find the strength to move away. My mind told me to run that Kurama wasn't in his right mind, but my body was aching to feel his touch. It wanted to feel the warmth from the previous night again. It wanted those soft lips...  
  
Kurama's face was barely an inch from mine, and I could feel his ragged breaths brushing my cheek. I closed my eyes anticipating another kiss. Already my every nerve was tingling. I moaned, when instead I felt, his mouth running down my neck. His lips tickled my flesh, while his fiery tong made a heat erupt over my entire body.  
  
"Kurama..." I managed to get out despite my sudden lack of air. I couldn't seem to breathe. The struggle to control myself was much harder then it ever was before.  
  
"Please Hiei...just give in to the feeling... I don't want to have to force you." Kurama said in a husky voice.  
  
The threat made me trimmer. I knew there was no way I could stop him. I could never refuse him...especially when I wanted him so badly.  
  
Kurama pushed me back until my head hit his pillow. Both of his hands were on my shoulders pinning me down. He straddled my waist a leg on either side of my hips to hold me captive. The heat I could feel radiating of his body warming my skin made me start shaking.  
  
Kurama chuckled darkly when he noticed this. I suddenly felt scared at the way those GOLDEN eyes were staring at me. He was giving in to Youko, and I knew there was no hope of me escaping him. He wanted me, and he would have me.  
  
Kurama leaned down pressing his body against mine. His hands began roaming down my sides. When he reached my waist he pulled my shirt out from my pants. I failed to contain another moan as his hands slid under my shirt and across my stomach and chest. He pulled my shirt up over my head, then quickly removed his own.  
  
He ran moist kisses down my chest, licking my nipples, to arouse me further. I whimpered at his actions, so teasing yet with a hidden promise.  
  
Finally his lips made their way down to the hem of my pants. His nimble fingers began undoing my many belts with great haste. He growled with impatience.  
  
"Why do you wear so many?" He asked in a deep tone. Youko's voice.  
  
When he pulled the last one off he pulled off my pants with my boxers. I felt vulnerable with out any cloths.  
  
Kurama sat up, and locked his smoldering gaze upon me. He unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off, tossing them aside, to join the rest of our cloths. He was only wearing a pair of black boxers now.  
  
He paused for a moment before pulling off the last thing that was keeping us apart. He laid completely on me, and brought his face up to mine. Again I felt his lips pressing against mine. This time the kiss was more passionate. His tong outlined my mouth begging for entry. In my aroused haze I opened my mouth, groaning as his tong slid across my own. Finally neither my body nor mind could ignore what it wanted any longer. I pushed forward into the kiss fighting back with my tong.  
  
My arms, which had been lying limp at my sides the entire time, wrapped around his back. I pulled him closer, enjoying him pressed against me like this... He began to move against me, and I had to resist the urge to mark him as mine. Our erections rubbed against each other, making the heat in my body build even more.  
  
Content that I was finally giving in Kurama pushed into me. I scream out in pain, and bit my lip trying to get used to his size.  
  
Leaning forward, he ran his lips over my ear to whisper in my ear. My arousal rubbing against his stomach as he did so.  
  
"It only hurts at first. Relax," He said sensually.  
  
He briefly sucked on my earlobe, and when He felt me relax, began slow thrusts. At fist he was soft and gentle, moving at a slow pace. When my body was used to that he moved faster, and pumped harder.  
  
After a while I could feel the heat gathering in my groin, and the harsh breath against my neck meant that Kurama was close to climaxing too. Finally I heard him groan, and release in side me. I came at the same time, throwing my head back in pleasure.  
  
Kurama rested his head on my shoulder. His breath ran over my sweaty skin in short bursts. I felt exhausted, but satisfied. Comfortable in his hold I let myself fall asleep.  
  
Yay!!! finally some sex...I mean hm... anyway I just couldn't wait any more for some actual "Fun." Do you like it? I don't have much practice writing this kind of stuff, so I'm not sure how good it was. I'll just have to keep practicing ne? winks 


	5. Regrets

OMG I'm finally back from my vacation! So sorry I can't give specific thanks to every on that reviewed right now. I don't have much time. I'll do it with my next chapter. Sorry if this one is a little short, but like I said I just got back, and am really busy unpacking.  
  
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine...sadly... Chapter 5 Regrets  
  
When I finally woke up it was almost six. I could still feel Kurama's arms rapped tightly around me. I snuggled into the blankets around us, breathing in the scent of roses. God how I love that smell. I felt comfortable, and really didn't feel like ever leaving that spot. Then my mind kicked in, and started thinking over what had happened.  
  
I don't want to deal with this right now! How could I let this happen..?  
  
Deciding to hit the road before Kurama woke up; I carefully slipped out of his embrace, and began putting my cloths back on. I was finally putting on my shirt when I heard the door shut down stairs. I froze.  
  
"Shuuichi! I'm home."  
  
I looked over at the bed just as Kurama sat up. His eyes were wide trying to cope with the situation. First he looked at the door, then at me, finally down at himself. With speed I didn't know he possessed he was out of bed and getting dressed.  
  
"Shuuichi? Are you up here?" His mother's voice in the hall right by his door.  
  
"Hiei you have to go if she finds you here..."  
  
I was already gone out the window.  
  
The air was cold, as I ran at abnormally high speeds. The wind ran its fingers though my spiky hair, and rippled the fabric of my cloak. Still it couldn't blow away my current problem.  
  
Kurama and I had... well now there was no way our relationship could go back to normal. I didn't want to be in this situation. I couldn't hand over my heart like this, or worse what if his feelings weren't the same as mine. Youko knew of lust, not love.  
  
I felt scared. I didn't want to be hurt, that is why I always pushwd every one away. Damn that fox. I knew I couldn't hate him, even if I wanted to. I love him.  
  
I slowed down and found my self-standing in front of a place I knew only too well. With out even knowing it I had found my way to Genkai's temple.  
  
"Hiei!" A small feminine voice called.  
  
I turned to see Yukina run out he temple door. She had a polite smile on her face.  
  
"I wasn't expecting you today! Do you want to come inside...Hiei is something wrong?" She asked her tone suddenly turning worried.  
  
"No."  
  
I still couldn't erase my fears from my expression.  
  
"Oh please tell me what's wrong?" She said with a pleading note.  
  
"It's nothing you should be worried about."  
  
"But I do worry about you. You have been a good friend to me."  
  
She does not know she that I am her brother, still she cares for me like one.  
  
"Yukina?" The most grating voice I ever heard called out.  
  
"I'm sorry Kazuma, Hiei came to visit. I'll be in, in a minute."  
  
I sighed. I was interrupting her day, and even though I would rather die before leaving her alone with overgrown fly. The thought that they were in love sent a jolt through my stomach. They could be together; Kurama and I couldn't.  
  
"That is all right Yukina. Actually I have other business to attend to, so I must be going."  
  
"So soon?" She asked disappointed.  
  
"I'm afraid so. Good bye."  
  
I zoomed off in a blur of black. Night came and I found a tree to spend the night in. The branches were smooth and white, sweeping down towards the ground in wide arcs. They appeared very much like the water in a water fountain cascading down, creating a large curtain of green. In the wind the branches swayed like hair, and altogether it created a peaceful atmosphere. Nothing like my mind.  
  
Regrets...sometimes you regret something so much, you wish it never happened. You hope that time will just make it go away. Sometimes your fear clouds your heart, and all you can do is run.  
  
This chapter was a little short, but oh well. I will be having more sadness for you shortly! aren't you glad! lets all just read sad stuff, and get really depressed... 


	6. Mistake

Disclaimer: characters? mine? what are you talking about crazy person! Chapter 6 mistake  
  
Two weeks had passed. Two weeks with out my fox. Two weeks without his voice...or his touch. I felt so alone. More alone than I ever felt before, yet the time, had giving me a false sense of calm, and control. It created the idea that maybe Kurama would forget all this, and when I came back it would be just like before. I almost hoped that it was all a joke, and that none of it was true. I hoped that maybe none of it had happened.  
  
Kurama would be back to his senses. Surely, when I came back he would never mention any of it, and we could be friends again. Nothing more. I crossed my arms tightly against my chest trying to smother the feelings in my heart.  
  
I didn't want it to be forgotten. I didn't want it all to be fake. What I wanted was to be with him again, and most of all for him to LOVE me. My heart just couldn't cope with the fact that that could never happen.  
  
Today the air hung heavily in the air, making it hard to draw into your lungs. I coughed lightly trying to get rid of the suffocating feeling. Then I felt a familiar chi enter my senses.  
  
"Detective," I said after jumping down from my tree, and landing right in front of him.  
  
For a second he seemed to have forgotten what he wanted to tell me, then frowned with remembrance.  
  
"Hiei I know you're not the type to care, but Yukina said you would want to know. This morning they brought Kurama to the hospital-"  
  
I cut him off with my hand. The air seemed even thicker than before, making it hard to use my voice.  
  
"What happened? Did he...Did he hurt himself ?" My voice was panicked, and full of fear. I could tell from Yusuke's surprised expression that he was not expecting my reaction.  
  
"Yeah, but how did you know?"  
  
"Damn that fox!" My tone had changed to almost a yell.  
  
I was gone with out him even saying another sentence. My figure disappeared into a blur of black, and literally in a matter of seconds I found myself in the kitsune's room.  
  
It was clean, and spotless, just like he always kept it. I glanced around. Nothing even seemed out of place. I crossed the room, and entered his bathroom. It was clean here too, but I could distinctly detect the smell of blood.  
  
My hand trembled slightly, as I untied the bandana from my forehead, which was emitting a faint glow.  
  
Instantly scenes began to enter my head.  
  
A vision of Kurama distraught, and confused focused itself, and started to play like a movie.  
  
He was standing by the counter, fingering a razor blade in his shaking hands. His red hair veiled most of his face from view. Still I saw tears drop down onto his hands, and the shiny metallic object he held. The salty liquid refracted the light from a light fixture on the ceiling.  
  
He gave a rather loud sob, and mumbled something under his breath. I barely caught the words.  
  
"I...I hurt him. Never again."  
  
Fumbling with the blade he brought it to the juncture between his forearm, and bicep. Along the same line he had used before.  
  
My throat constricted tightly.  
  
The sharp edge bit into his skin, and now my fox, was sobbing continuously, none the less he pushed it in deeper.  
  
Blood trickled down his arm, and dripped onto the tiled floor.  
  
Soon the flow was heavier, and a sickening spattering noise met my ears. With one more jagged motion, with all his resolve, he yanked down so the major vein in his arm was severed.  
  
More blood stained his skin, and light blue dress shirt.  
  
He sank to the floor, one of his pant legs absorbing the scarlet puddle on the floor, and his head swung back. His hair swept off his face. The wonderful green eyes I loved so much were shut yielding to the death that was sure to come for him. His lips were slightly parted in a silent scream of mental torment.  
  
I watched as the color drained from his face, and he fell side ways, to lie motionless on the floor. Still his life force faded even more.  
  
When it was looking most dire for him the door opened with a small swoosh of air.  
  
"Shuuichi?" His mother asked, her voice trailing off in a panicked whisper.  
  
"Oh my god!" She screamed tears spilling down her cheeks. "No Shuichi! Don- Don't die on me! Help! Some one please help!"  
  
Finally coming to some kind of sense she rushed out of the room, and returned with the phone in her hands. Clumsily she dialed three digits on its face, and began talking in a tear soaked voice.  
  
More images crossed before me. The paramedics. Kurama getting taken to the ambulance on a stretcher. One holding a crying Shirori. Another cleaning the blood off the floor...  
  
I didn't know where I was going. I could only follow Kurama's faint chi, and run faster. I didn't care about the stunned people I ran past, or the security guard I floored as I sprinted up the stairs to the third level of the hospital.  
  
Then I came to his room. I knew it was his I could sense his chi just on the other side of the door. I froze I couldn't move. Not to go in, or to even back away.  
  
"Hiei?" came a quiet feminine voice; Yukina  
  
I turned to look at her, unable to keep my face devoid of the emotions coursing through me.  
  
"Is he all right?" I asked hoarsely.  
  
"He'll live, but he lost allot of blood before his mother found him..."  
  
I turned back towards the door. I had to see him.  
  
"Hiei do you love him?" Her voice had the same soothing quality I loved so much about Kurama's.  
  
I didn't look at her, but I gave a feeble nod, before gathering my resolve, and entering the room.  
  
A strong sent of disinfectant entered my senses as I did so. Everything was white, and overly cleaned as to be sterile. In the center of the room was a metal bed. He lay there, as pale as the sheets that covered him. My poor fox. How could I let you do this to yourself?  
  
I walked over to his side, and peered down at his ashen features. His eyelashes were closed against his soft cheeks, and red wisps of hairs fluttered across his face. The bright contrast made him look even whiter. I brushed my fingertips against his hand with the IV drip in it.  
  
The other arm I could see was wrapped in gauze. my sweet fox...why?  
  
Carefully I lifted myself onto the bed besides him. I rested my cheek against his shoulder, and held his hand in my own. I would not leave him this time. I would be there when he awoke.  
  
"I love you fox." I whispered tenderly.  
  
I listened to his calm breathing for some time. Being this close, I could smell the scent of roses, just like his bed. It made my heart relax a little.  
  
I began to drift in and out of consciousness, when I heard the door open.  
  
It was Yusuke.  
  
"Yukina said you were in here."  
  
I didn't care that he saw me like this weak and clinging to Kurama. I wouldn't leave...I promised...  
  
"Hiei do you know why Kurama did this?"  
  
I ignored his words. I was blaming myself, but I wouldn't let him know that.  
  
"You knew he was ...having problems. I know you did. I saw the look on your face at the park. What did he tell you?" His voice was determined, and I knew I would have to tell him something to get him to leave.  
  
"He was depressed...I was supposed to help him through it, but...It was too much for me to...I left him."  
  
He stared at me a moment then left without another word. I snuggled closer to Kurama. It was my fault...  
  
Other people may have come to visit. I didn't know. I slept most of the day, and night by my kitsune. Hoping he would wake up. The nurse tried to make me leave, but apparently his mother convinced her to leave me alone. Now upon awakening I knew the others must have been in here. There were flowers everywhere, and get-well cards. Some I knew must have come from his fan club at school. They probably didn't know why he was in the hospital though.  
  
The room was dark, and the only window in the room was curtained. I shifter a bit and looked at Kurama. He was still sleeping. I could barely see, but better than any ningen. It pleased me to see that his cheeks had gained back some of their color. He would be all right.  
  
Giving into myself I leaned forward, and brushed my lips on his. He made a soft noise that almost sounded like a whimper, but he didn't wake.  
  
After that I didn't sleep. I couldn't. I just watched him.  
  
Sad! I hate poor Kurama being in the hospital! I think I should give him a kiss...or maybe more... Oh well I'm pretty sure this story will have a happy ending. 


	7. Confessions

Disclaimer: Even the suicidal characters aren't mine! Chapter 7 confessions  
  
"How long has he been here?" I heard that idiot ask the detective.  
  
"All night," my sister answered for him.  
  
"He must love my son to stay...I didn't even know Shuuichi had a ...boyfriend."  
  
"I didn't know they were even together. Did you guys know?" Keiko sounded.  
  
The others all said no.  
  
It unnerved me to hear them talk about me, but I abstained from the need to beat their faces in. The truth was I couldn't help but feel vulnerable. They knew about my feelings for Kurama, and he didn't. What if he didn't feel the same for me? I didn't want to answer any funny questions from the others.  
  
"Um excuse me...I would like to sit with my son for a while. You don't have to leave."  
  
It was his mother. She shut the door behind her, as she entered the room. Kurama's mother seemed kind enough. She pulled up one of the chairs in the room, and sat down on the other side of his bed.  
  
"Do you love him?"  
  
"Hn."  
  
"He is lucky to have so many friends...I didn't even know they existed until yesterday...or that he had a boyfriend...or...or...oh how could I be such a horrible mother not to know he was depressed like this! He could have died, and it would have been my entire fault!" She broke down into sobs.  
  
"He didn't want to worry anyone," I told her quietly. I knew Kurama would hate it for her to be crying like this, and trying to take all the blame. "Especially you. He loved you too much to burden you."  
  
"You are such a sweet boy... I'm glad he found someone like you. Just do me favor...take care of him for me. He needs someone to take care of him. He is always trying to do everything on his own. He'll never let anyone take care of him."  
  
"I will."  
  
After that we both fell silent.  
  
There is something about hospitals that have a weird effect on me, because I couldn't help but feel lethargic. If I wasn't talking or busy hating myself, I would accidentally fall asleep. No matter how hard I tried to stay awake.  
  
It was so warm lying against Kurama, and listening to his heart beat right by his ear. Sleep just seemed to be a natural by product...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
It was dark, or maybe it wasn't. I couldn't open my eyes. I felt drowsy, and slightly lightheaded. I could hear soft words being spoken, but they just became jumbled in my head. My mind slowly processed them, and tried to make them into coherent sentences.  
  
"You came back to me...I thought you hated me...I was afraid to be alone...I didn't...I couldn't live with you hating me...you only wanted to help me...and I couldn't even control myself...all I ever wanted was your love..."  
  
My brain began to speed up.  
  
Love...  
  
Love...  
  
The love I had for Kurama...  
  
Wait Kurama...  
  
The hospital...  
  
Love...  
  
I opened my eyes, and was surprised to see warm green ones staring back at me.  
  
"Your awake," I said.  
  
"So are you...I'm sorry for all the trouble I put you and everyone through...mostly you."  
  
"You're so stupid fox...trying to leave us like that."  
  
I couldn't keep my relief out of my voice, and I'm sure he noticed it.  
  
"I didn't think you would come back... I thought you'd left me..." A tear slid down his cheek.  
  
"I would never leave you kitsune...I..."  
  
He looked up at me with tear filled eyes. They made his eyes glisten like glass.  
  
"Hiei...your crying..."  
  
I was taken aback. I hadn't even felt the hot tears sliding down my cheeks, and crystallizing into gems, as they fell from my face.  
  
I broke down. Even I didn't know how scared I was that he would leave me. That I would never hear his voice again, or see those eyes of his.  
  
I felt strong arms wrap around me, pulling me closer to his chest. I buried my face there trying to ease my guilt and sadness with that comforting warmth he gave off.  
  
"I...I love you Kurama."  
  
He hugged me tighter, and I felt him nuzzle my neck. His hot breath fell onto my ear.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
Ahh! So mushy...even though I doubt Hiei would be like that...but too bad its still cute! I know you can say it! I'm such a hypocrite. In my other story Good bye, I'm all like Hiei wouldn't cry. Then look I just made him cry!!! I'm a total idiot! The next chapter is just to sum up the story. 


	8. What you rely on

Disclaimer: I don't own Hiei, because if I did... Chapter 8 what you rely on  
  
I never knew how many people rely on love to get through their day, but in the days that followed Kurama's time at the hospital I realized how important it is.  
  
The love that you feel for another is the strongest emotion anyone can have. It helps you survive everything that is wrong in the world. All that matters is them.  
  
You would do anything for them. Their love is what you treasure most in the world.  
  
When it came to my fox, I would do anything for him. I would protect him. I would take care of him. I would give up my life, or even sweet snow. It ended up that all he wanted for me was my love, just like I wanted his.  
  
So we did share the same feelings. The same love.  
  
I try to hide that I feel emotions like everyone else, but with him it is impossible.  
  
I love him, and I always will.  
  
Together, I now know, is where I'm meant to be.  
  
End  
  
Wow! Worlds shortest chapter! Sorry if that annoyed you with its shortness, but it was just there to sum up the story, and make you think about love! How beautiful! Anyway this ends the wonderful tale that is Zoloft. I have been working on a few otehr stories, but... well I haven't finished any and I'm not sure which one to concentrate on. Perhaps I could put them all on, but I would hate to annoy everyone by losing interest in one before its finished. Okay now here it is. I have been really slacking in the thanks. So now after skipping it for tons of chapters I will review my reviews that I got up to the release of chapter five.  
  
Ukera15 : You seem to be a big fan. I didn't know I was even worthy. I tend to put myself down a lot. Your support made my day. Do you write fics to? I'll look you up so I can read some of yours! It was so funny to read each of your reviews from every single chapter I put up so far! Thankyou for caring so much. (makes me feel so loved )  
  
Figured shadow: Wow you sounded like me right there. I always say weird stuff like that. ( EX: The desk is green, but not green) Actually I read a fanfiction lately that made me feel that way. I read the ending to Foxgloves by Volpone. Wow what a morbid/sadistic/depressing/disgusting story It was way worse that anything I'd ever write...or wait I'll rephrase that. Its worse thatn anything I'd post. Still, besides all that I loved it in a weird twisted way. Anyway ignore my long ramble. Thanks for enjoying Zoloft...or not.  
  
M-python-girl: Evil you say...perhaps just a bit (smirks while rubbing invisible goatee) I can't stop myself from writing evil fics. Its in my nature. As my friend would say, "Morbidly delicious!" I was writing this other fic that is yet to be posted as of yet, and it was all pretty. Then I got the wicked idea to do so evil, and BAM someone is in the mental ward. Don't ask. I should be posting it soon.  
  
balletanimerose: Do you think I'm to mean to Hiei? I feel bad. First of all I say that I hate when they make characters to OC, but I'm such a hypocrite. I made Kurama depressed, and emotional in this story, not to mention the fact I made Hiei cry. Maybe I should just shove my head in a bucket.  
  
Gekidoku no Hitokiri: My trip was fun thank you! After I came back I was a tiny bit depressed, so I didn't feel very inspired to write. Now you may ask why that would make me feel uninspired if my whole story is depressing? Why would I know? I just couldn't write. Anyway I got back into my grove like in just the last three days, so look out for more stories coming out soon.  
  
Vahies-Girl: I think maybe I am to empathetic/sympathetic. You peeps don't know just how guilty I feel when I write a short chapter, or take to long to update. I hate to disappoint. When ever I post I feel really nervous, becuse I would feel horrible to waste peoples time with crapy stories. Your guys review mean a lot to me.  
  
Vladislaus: You almost made me cry with that review! True talent!!!! I feel sooo loved! I know exactly how you feel with your friend. Two of my friends have depression problems, and on occasion myself. I mostly have self-esteem issues.  
  
Danim: Well thank you! Even the short reviews mean a lot!  
  
Good Bye Chapter: 1 Azulmizu: You guys I must add this one in I thought it was hilarious. Okay since it was a review for my other story I'll even put in what they said so can read it. (Dork! You said to guess who's P.O.V it's in! Well guess what? Your comment at the bottom gave it away! The P.O.V is Yusuke's! Dork! Well, I liked the story and think you should make a sequel of Yusuke slowly losing his mind over Kurama's death...Oh well. Ja ne!) What did I say? Funny! Although I did give it away at the bottom I'm not the only dork people still guessed wrong. Besides you were supposed to guess while reading the story, then at the bottom you see if you were right. This person thinks a lot like me. I wasn't going to update on this one, but...the thought of making Yusuke crazy is very appealing. Of course in my other story I'm already making someone crazy. I'd hate to be repetitive.  
  
M-python-girl: Actually that fact was called to my attention. Would I change it? Absolutly no. I'm way to lazy. I must say language was never my best class. I'm better at science and math. (4.0 student Boo-ya) What? I need to brag once in a while. I have the worst hand writing, and spelling of anyone around. I spell the teh more times than I can count. I even spell my own name wrong sometimes. Thank god for spell check.  
  
Sonic16: I was surprised I held out that long, although to tell you the truth I hated that sex scene. It totally lacked inspiration on my part. Next time I'll try harder.  
  
telynaayuri: Wow! Blunt much? This review actually made me laugh. (I really liked this chapter. Please add more sex?!)  
  
Oppresive Darkness Chapter 1Crazy Kitsune and Miya: I've read some of your stories! I recongnize your names! You guys are so funny! Yeah it was Shuichi as in Kurama not his little brother. Yuck incest!!! I felt like writing something weird so it was Youko and Kurama.  
  
mocha cocoa: may I say I love your pen name! I'm a total coffee freak. I think Kurama is just a mess period in this story.  
  
Gekidoku no Hitokiri: sorry for misspelling your name. I copied your name from your review this time so if its wrong its all your fault! Thanks for the review. I'm glad you thought I did a great job.  
  
Robby Moon: Hey! Like I said I'm a horrible speller. I totally missed the fact that I spelled tongue like tong, and since technically tong is still a word spell check completely missed it. Sorry I'm such an idiot.  
  
kuramagal: I hope I'm way better if I try to write something like this again, but I'm a little scared of the authorities. I wouldn't want my story deleted. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but two of my favorite stories disappeared from the site, and I can't help but wonder if NC-17 was why.  
  
balletanimerose: Okay now I'm trying to remember what happened in chapter four...I'm so lazy, but I guess I'll have to go check. Give me a sec. oh... Okay I think I know what you are talking about. Oh well. Mybe he didn't feel like it at the moment. (shrugs shoulders)  
  
figured shadow: Thank you for the compliment, and actually to tell the truth I don't know which one. I recognize your name, but I have all the stories saved on my computer by title not author.  
  
Oppresive Darkness Chapter kurama-sweethart: Moe!!! Me misses you so much since my visit to you! (cries and pouts) I didn't know you like this story so much. I never intended any symbolism from my life. I sincerely hope I'm not that screwed up, but its not like I can pretend to be completely sane since you personally know me. LOL Oh, yeah folks the BxK fanfic she is talking about is the same one I mentioned. Thanks love cookie. -Fabala fae  
  
Vashies-Girl: well thank you for the drooling!  
  
Okay now that the reviews to the reviews are done I would like to ask for some help. One of my favorite stories is, or should I say was Blink of an eye. I have it printed out and everything. Then when I was trying to look it up the other day for updates it was gone. Now it did have lemon in it more that once, and that could mean it was deleted, but the story was authentically good. Even if you took the sex part out it had a great story line, and everything. It made me so depressed that it was gone. I mean at least if I could remember the authors pen name I could read some of their other stories, and feel a bit happy. So If anyone knows the authors name, or more about what happened please reply in a review! I'm depending on you peeps to help me out. Oh yeah if the author him or herself reads this I loved you story, and am totally behind you in your writings. 


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